A common psychological process for a submissive is often coined as ‘submissive frenzy’. This is apparent when they get a small taste of their perceived ideal situation. It’s common for submissive’s to become almost aggressive in efforts to ensure they are getting more than a taste. They will sometimes compromise their ideals, safety, and true desires to ‘fit’ what they are presented with. To the regular onlooker, it could be construed as desperation.
As a dominant, it’s important to protect yourself against this. The last thing you want is a submissive who puts themselves in emotional stress because of moving at a pace which is unnatural for them. Worse case scenario, you could easily be accused of crossing boundaries because someone was willing to compromise on them to avoid disappointment. This should help you to better know what and who you are beginning a BDSM relationship with whether it’s the right situation for them. This in turn helps the submissive to slow down and get a true handle on the situation and actual learning.
Signs it’s Happening
- Submissive becomes insistent on playing more often, and harder. Immediate satisfaction tied to test for long term compatibility. This typically looks like testing or bratty behaviour, but it can be as simple as not following rules in order to see if they will be enforced. Multiple short term partners
- They may keep testing, one after another (if you pass)
- Anger, disappointment and quick withdrawal if you do not pass
- For the Dominant, this may feel as though they are being led instead of leading. For new Dominants, this can be intimidating and off putting – causing less knowledgable to quit before they are challenged. Or it maysimply cause anxiety.
- Create your own test in reverse while moving at your own pace forward. For example, requesting in person proof of defined and desired skills.
- Set expectations
2. Submissive willing to compromise on limits in order to get needs met. Submissive may often feel taken advantage of or victimized.
- Attract the wrong type of Dominant for them continuously when what they actually need is someone with like interests and limits, and/or one with more experience.
- Do more advanced things sooner, without needed trust, escalating relationships which turn out to be incompatible partnerships.
- Puts themselves in dangerous situations repeatedly. Attracts predators and at parties play with multiple people to show how extreme they are capable of being.
- Profiles and stated limits become more suited to the Dominant rather than actual limits. Long term, this may lead to dissatisfaction in relationships at best. At worst, sexual assault claims.
- Start Slow.
- Go painfully slow in scenes.
- Meet needs without requirement of pushing limits.
- Show acceptance and make it obvious that you are honouring limits.
3. Submissive playing and dating a lot of people at once, especially those that play harder. More play until they crash.
- Drop is harsher
- Rollercoaster of highs and lows without a good monitor system.
- Request a short term moratorium on play with others and ramp up trust and rewards so they don’t need as much approval and attention from others.
- Limit to certain players.
Sub Frenzy is always a barrier to the submissive’s ability to submit honestly. By pushing harder and faster, it is achieving nothing in terms of connection and service – simply play. As Dominants, we understand play to be tools of witnessing submission, but submission itself comes from the connections and bonds of a submissive to a Dominant. You will not match everyone and while some submissive’s will present that they want and can handle everything you have to throw at them, it’s important to figure out how much of that is frenzy, how much is fantasy, and how much is honest ability and service right now. That distinction can take time to figure out. Remember, it’s natural and many submissive’s don’t understand the height of it’s control on their action. This can be true even for the submissives who know what it is.
For Dominants who come face to face with a submissive who is in the middle of frenzy, it is important to move a little slowly with play and enforce rules and rituals in order to continue the bond without putting yourself and the submissive at risk of stepping over possible limits. It may be necessary to spin the submissive frenzy around by creating tests for the submissive to avoid aggressive use of this technique. Over time, your tests of them will no longer be necessary and training can progress from that point.